Big Feelings: Making Mistakes

Feelings can be big and overwhelming. Especially for quiet, thoughtful pre-teens who feel things deeply but don’t always know how to express it. This week, I’m reflecting on how we can make space for those feelings through stories.

Stories help us process. They give language to things we can’t express. They offer us mirrors to better see ourselves, and windows to help us understand others better too. But most importantly, they remind us that we are not alone.

We’ve been talking a lot about mistakes in our house recently. How they make us feel, what we say to ourselves afterwards and how we can recover from them. The feelings we have when we make mistakes can range from deep shame to a sense of embarrassment and everywhere else in between. Making mistakes is an inevitable part of life, it’s how we learn after all, and yet so often kids feel like they’re the only ones getting it “wrong.

But the truth is, making mistakes is inevitable. They’re part of learning, part of growing, and part of being brave enough to try. Stories can be a powerful way to show that. Here are some wonderful books that explore this topic further, showing kids making mistakes, putting them right and coming out the other side:

• First are the 'Swallows & Amazons' books by Arthur Ransome. We love them, probably as they appeal to our love of camping, and I've recommended them before, but they are full of children making decisions for themselves and dealing with the consequences.

• Next is 'The Dot' by Peter H Reynolds. My son read this one at school and is a good one for those kids who can be afraid to try.

• Lastly are 'Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls' by Elena Favilli and 'Stories for Boys Who Dare to be Different' by Ben Brooks. These ones aren't necessarily about mistakes but are full of powerful stories about people overcoming difficulties, both external and internal. Showing what can be achieved when you follow your own path and stay true to yourself.

But the stories that shape our kids (and us) don’t just come from books. They come from us too. They can be the stories we tell ourselves or hear at home. As parents we have a quiet superpower: we can help shift the narrative by being mindful of how we talk about our own mistakes. When our children hear us say things like “I really messed that up, but I’m going to try again,” or “I’m frustrated with myself, but I’m learning,” they’re absorbing a different way of thinking. One that allows for growth. One that makes space for imperfection. And maybe most importantly, one that reminds them that they’re loved—not because they get everything right, but because they’re trying, learning, and showing up.

Let’s lean in to that idea this week and test out our superpower. And if you have any top tips for helping sensitive, thoughtful kids navigate making mistakes, let me know in the comments below.